A Painful Way to Start
by WhoAtHeart
Summary: Punching someone is a weird way to say I love you...


He sat on his bed using a regenerator on his bloody knuckles. All that was running through his mind was, _I hit him. I fucking hit him. Real nice, punching out the man you love. Way to go idiot, now he'll never feel the same way. _He couldn't help himself though, couldn't help picturing Jim coming to him in his room to be patched up. Like he'd done so many times before, only all those other times Leo wasn't the one that had done the damage Jim needed repaired.

When the regenerator had done its work he put it away and sighed, getting up and changing into a pair of flannel pants. He brushed his teeth before crawling into his bed and tucking himself into a tight ball under the covers. For the first time since he was a kid tears began running unbidden down his cheeks. He knew he'd fucked up, knew it to the very core of him, and the worst part was he'd not only lost the man he loved, but also his best friend.

His breathing hitched as the tears continued and was tending towards quiet sobs. When he finally fell asleep his dreams played the entire evening out for him.

_The bar wasn't crowded, but that was really no surprise given that it was Tuesday. He enjoyed going with Jim on nights that there wasn't as likely to be someone that Jim wanted to bed in the bar. He enjoyed the relaxed set to Jim's shoulders and the genuine easy smile on his face when he was just here with his pal rather than on the prowl. _

_Just as they were starting in on their third round the door opened and Jim's posture immediately changed. Leo didn't even bother looking as Jim hopped off his barstool and wound his way over to the woman who'd just arrived. Leo ordered a shot and downed it and the rest of his beer before getting up to leave, not even once throwing a glance towards Jim, not wanting to see him with someone else._

_He held very little hope any more of Jim returning his feelings. Two years of watching Jim go off with his one-nighters and prattling on about how he didn't believe in love and would never consider a monogamous relationship had killed his hope. Or rather, most of his hope, because despite it all he still wished, hoped and prayed Jim would come around. Maybe when he got a little older, maybe if Leo could find the right words or maybe if Jim just lost a smidge of his stubbornness. Hell, he _knew_ none of that would happen or matter, but he still _hoped_ it would._

_He'd barely made it five steps out the door when he heard Jim calling, using the nickname that had at first really rubbed him the wrong way before he began thinking of it as a term of endearment, even if that hadn't been Jim's intention. He wasn't in the mood to be called back however, so he simply kept walking, ignoring the fact that the cries of "Bones!" were only getting closer._

_When Jim finally caught up he grabbed Leo's arm and spun him towards himself, "What the fuck Bones?" he asked hotly, "Why didn't you stop?"_

_Leo just shook his head and grit his teeth deciding not to answer and fisting his hands to keep himself from doing something stupid._

"_Bones?" Jim asked curiously._

"_Didn't hear ya, kid," he grit out between his teeth._

"_Yes you did," Jim insisted coolly, though there was still a hint of curiosity in his tone. "Why'd you leave without saying goodbye?" he continued, but this time his voice was uncharacteristically small, almost child-like, and Leo wanted to kick himself. Of course Jim would take his leaving the bar without saying goodbye as him leaving Jim behind completely._

_He shook his head again and took a step towards Jim, placing his hands on either side of his face and leaning in to plant a soft, but passionate kiss to his junior's lips. "Because I couldn't take seeing you with one more conquest," he replied quietly as he pulled away._

_Jim's eyes opened wide and his fingers flew to his lips, dragging across them slowly before Jim pulled his hand back, his eyes shifting between his fingertips and Leo's face. However, all Leo saw was Jim wiping his kiss away and rage filled him, his vision turning red on the edges. _How _dare_ he wipe his lips!_ Leo thought, _Was my kiss really so disgusting that Jim felt the immediate need to get rid of it?_ After all the people he'd seen Jim kissing the fact that he'd felt the need to wipe only his away had Leo nearly out of his mind with rage. _

_Without further thought Leo pulled his arm back and punched Jim right in the face. His fist connected just below Jim's eye. Jim was caught off guard, something that wasn't like him at all, so the force of the blow knocked him on his ass. Leo spun back around and ran for his dorm, barely able to hold back his tears until his door shut behind him. He only allowed one to roll down his cheek before he reigned himself back in and got to work repairing his hand._

As his eyes opened slowly, his still wet eyelashes stuck together a bit. He must have continued crying as he'd slept. It took him longer than it should have to realize there was a weight on his waist, an arm holding him to a warm body that was curled around his back. He turned over to find none other than Jim Kirk in his bed, one eye open and staring at him, the other swollen shut from Leo's punch. As Leo tried to pull away Jim only tightened the arm he had wrapped around him.

"I should have seen it," Jim murmured softly, "Thinking back, it was really obvious and I should have seen it. I'm so sorry Bones."

Leo's eyebrows pulled together, unsure what his words and actions meant exactly, but he didn't open his mouth because he was unsure if his voice would remain steady. He just stared at Jim letting his question show on his face.

"If you want, I'm willing to try this. Willing to try being an us, willing to try to be _just_ with you."

This time Leo's eyebrows shot up nearly to his hairline, "Yeah?" he asked, surprise and uncertainty clear in his voice.

"Yeah," Jim answered, wincing slightly as a smile tugged at his lips.

Leo nodded, "I'd like that," he said before catching the wince and continuing, "C'mon kid, let's get you patched up." He sat up and got out of bed and walked over to retrieve his med-kit, unable to stop the smile that was spreading over his lips.


End file.
